I recently rewatched the Wizard of Oz and felt *seen,* but not in the way you might think…
Do you remember the scene where they discover that, behind the curtain, the wizard was really just a little old man?
It got me thinking. If he was brilliant enough to become the Wizard of Oz, why didn’t he think he was enough? Why was he hiding? Maybe there is something to learn about perfection, feeling worthy, and finding home in your body.
As I’ve gotten older, I feel more sympathy for the wizard. When I was in my darkest days of dieting, restriction, overexercising, perfectionism, and self-hate, I was also hiding.
I didn’t want anyone to know that I hated my body, or that I thought I wasn’t productive enough, talented enough, smart enough, fun enough; that I wasn’t small enough; that I wasn’t carefree enough…
Inside, I was desperate to be anyone else but me. And, on the outside, I wanted to be perfect. Confident. Comfortable. Happy.
I wanted to be perfect in everyone else’s eyes. Yet, I was never enough in my own.
Have you ever felt that way?
I was scared…
…To admit I wasn’t happy.
…Of being a failure.
…To come off as needy.
…To disappointment myself and others.
…Of who I really was without the constant controlling, poking, and prodding.
I was scared of being authentic. I didn’t even know what that meant.
And the unknown is scary.
I became really good at compartmentalizing, and I created a really good facade. It was just real enough; just vulnerable enough; just perfect enough. Somewhere along the line, I even convinced myself that my facade was genuine. The real me, that was behind the curtain, was stuck. Ignored and looked over.
I was ashamed too. Because of that, I felt I was not worthy of healing. Other people deserved that space, not me.
So, I stayed hidden behind the curtain. Alone. Stuck. And Unhappy.
Without a doubt, I believed that, I was a problem that needed to be fixed.
Society and diet culture told me to “fix myself” with diets that ended in binges, intense spurts of exercise that ended in burnout, perfectionism that crippled my creativity, and self-talk that was meaner than the Wicked Witch of the West.
Except, none of us can stay hidden forever. Your curtain might be pulled open, or you might finally realize it’s not worth it stay back there any longer; to miss out on life anymore.
Making peace with myself meant facing these thoughts and learning to show up for myself in productive, compassionate, kind ways. It meant finding home in my body.
And the truth is, I was actually enough.
The truth is, YOU ARE ENOUGH.
You are worthy and deserving, just as you are.
There are always obstacles. Nothing is perfect.
But this is also true: YOU are enough. And not curtain can cover that up.
I had perpetuated the fantasy that I wasn’t good enough and needed to be fixed.
I thought being “perfect” would make me happy.
Perfect isn’t real, and being happy comes from the inside. My home was always within me, and my worth was always unshakable.
The narrative changes when you can embrace that you are completely worthy and learn to trust and respect yourself. And that makes all the difference, no matter the challenges.
Embodying yourself means that you get on that hot air balloon and finally live fully. Just as you are. Perfectly you.
It means you can leave the curtain behind, find your friends, receive support, and even make your way back home to yourself. No ruby slippers, necessary.
What are you waiting for?
I hope this post reminded you that you are worthy. That you deserve to feel at home in your body. If you feel ready to pull back the curtain and embody yourself, truly and fully, I would love to support you on your journey.
Let’s chat about working together with a free call, HERE, or If you want a little more info on what I do, check THIS out. I would love to get to know you better and to support you in whatever way is right for you.